This exam period really reminded me to trust in God. I had been stressing myself so much, running around and I still ended up burned out. Like, it's been tough, I can't lie.
What makes the experience kind of painful is the fact that I made the mistake with 3 out of my 6 papers. That's 50% gone! Well, thank God, I remembered before it was too late.
The full gist
School stressed me so much lately because of exams. I started exams since the 31st of December last year, then two others followed on the 3rd and 4th of January this year. The perfect phrase to caption that period: Life Tuff!
I burnt a lot of mid night candles, read as much as possible, tried to cover all we were taught, I readdd! But then, it almost felt like it was all for nothing. I just ended up 'managing' to write my exams well.
I knew something was off. It wasn't really my style of preparation. I wasn't always that pressured. It felt like I wasn't preparing well, or I was not serious, or I was a bad student, or worse, I was becoming stupid, maybe my brain could not handle book again.
It was horrific. I always got into the exam hall prepared to pour out all I knew, yet it still felt like I was not 'there'. It felt like something was missing, and I hated that feeling. Sometimes, I forgot what I had read, even when I knew exactly what would come out.
Even at that, I trusted myself to read smarter, better, faster, and in anyway that would make it better. I tried all I could for the second and third paper, but I still did not get that old feeling back. What was I missing?
Well, I got my answer after the third paper. I finally remembered that I had a secret weapon, but it still took a while to get a hold of it. I needed to get rid of one problem - TRUST.
TRUST?
Yes! Apparently, I trusted myself too much to do well that I almost forgot to trust God. I thought of my past success, and I believed that I prepared well enough those times, and was diligent, so I'd just repeat it and get stellar results - but I was wrong.
Like I said, writing these three papers always burnt me out. Preparation was always tiresome, and it was never like that. Why? I always knew what areas would come out in every exam I wrote. I even did when I was struggling with those papers, but I ignored them. I shrugged them, placing my preparation above all else.
The problem was that I believed more in myself than the Spirit of God. All the times when I placed more trust in God, I never struggled this much. Of course, I knew where to read, so why not focus on those areas? I remembered what I read easily. I always performed so excellently. I had a secret weapon.
But by shifting the focus from God to myself (When preparing for exams), I just shifted the burden to myself, and truthfully the load is heavy. I should have just let the burden bearer handle it. I made a stupid mistake.
So far, I have written five papers, and trust me, the fourth one wasn't like the rest, and the fifth was much better. Even though I expect good results from the first 3, I did not have to stress myself so much or 'manage' to write well in the fourth paper, much less to talk of the fifth. I finally keyed in!
WHAT'S THE SECRET?
Well, there are two sides to it: Firstly, I trust and rely on God that I will perform excellently well. He is my light (Psalm 27:1), and without Him, I'm nothing. Secondly, I make sure to put effort where necessary. I won't be reminded of what I did not read. I won't recall what I have not heard. I cannot be slothful.
Yeah, I trust God so much that I cannot fail. I remember this song we sang on our first night in secondary school. The lyrics went like this:
'I put my hands in Your hands oh LORD,
I put my hands in Your hands oh LORD,
I put my hands in Your hands oh LORD,
I shall not fail for JESUS never fails.'
Then we switch 'hands' for 'Life' the second time, I mean the second verse.
The night I sang this song, I meant it, and of course, I believe something changed.
Despite the fact that I may be a good student, knowledgeable and all of that, I never relied on that to succeed. Besides my trust in God, my mindset helped too. In my Dictionary, Failure does not exist. I am certain that I CANNOT FAIL, so the question is 'How much do I want to succeed?'
I set up my ranks and aim for it. I believe I can do all things because He is my strength (Philippians 4:13, Isaiah 40:31).
Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. (Psalm 55:22)
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13
I give him all my burdens of the semester. I hand it all to him, and I am rest assured. I am at peace. For God cannot fail me. My God never fails.
Deuteronomy 31:6
"Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the LORD thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee."
1 John 4:4
"Ye are of God, little children, and have overcome them: because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world."
MY PART OF THE BARGAIN
Yes, I trust God to do His part. And He never fails in His part (2 Timothy 2:13). What about my part?
Well, there was a contract: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you (1 Peter 5:7). I cast all my burdens on Him, and He will handle them. I put my life in His hands, and He will handle it. Why would He? Because He cares for me. He won't allow anything go wrong, because He cares for me.
What's my gain? I won't have to go through the whole journey bearing a burden. I can move faster, smarter and easier and get the task done. All I have to do is give Him the burden, and I will put my best to get task done because there is no more hindrance.
Cast your burden on the LORD, and He will sustain you; He will never permit the righteous to be moved. (Psalm 55:22)
Now that I have given Him the burden to carry, do I have any excuse? I have to do well. My books will not read themselves. I don't have to bear the burden of reading carelessly or randomly. I don't have to bear the burden of having sleepless nights for nothing. For God gat me!
I should not be lazy. I should put in the effort. For Proverbs 19:15 says: "Slothfulness casteth into a deep sleep; and an idle soul shall suffer hunger." I want success, so I should not be slothful.
My parting words
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, your soul, your mind, with all of you. Let Him take charge of everything. Besides His will and action in your life, you should also make sure you do your part. Be studious. Don't be lazy.
Regardless, God remans faithful!
2 Timothy 2:13 - If we are faithless, he remains faithful - for he cannot dey himself (RSV)
Deuteronomy 7:9
"Know therefore that the LORD thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;"
Till next time!
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Thanks! 😇