I want to run awayyy!

Sometimes I'll just look at my life, all the things I have to do, the numerous tabs I have opened, the many things I've started and haven't finished, the confusion all around, and the weight of everything going on around me, and quietly whisper to myself: "abi ki'n salo ni?"

It's a phrase in Yorùbá that means: "Should I just run away?"

I have thought of running away many times. Where to? I don't even know. But with all the exhaustion, burnout, and weight of the world, it just gets to the point where I'll rather face something else than them.

I just want them gone. I want to escape from it. I want to erase it. Take me away from everything! That's what "away" really means.

This year alone, I can't count the number of times I've restarted my life. New week, new me. I'm a fresh person now. I think I have finally found it. And I go all in with all the energy, drive, and determination. Then, halfway through, life just happens. 

Things just come up. Stuff that should be buried in your past rise from the dead. Deadlines that aren't until sometime in the future just decide to time travel to pay a visit to their lord. Unforseen circumstances rise from thin air. News and events happening around are fighting for space in your mind. You begin to see many different versions of who you could become.

If you started the week thinking that from now on, I'll be a finance guy, by Wednesday, you're a pencil artist, and by Friday, you become a chef.

And slowly, everything that crept in quietly. A little there, a little here. A little, let me just check. Another is this not that? And sips and scrapes from in and out... all of it has now claimed residence in your life.

And slowly again, they pile and pile. They clog the wheel, and your drive is slower. They become loads on your backs that slow you down. They become distractions you have entertained. And now, "water don pass garri."

You can't bear it anymore. You can't keep going anymore. You've lost your spark. You've lost your drive. You now feel like a spectator in your life.

Phew! What a life?

It's finally time to press that RESET button. Start again. Start afresh. I need a breathe of fresh air.

If you ever find yourself here, I totally get it. I can relate. Just breathe in, breathe out, and take a walk. You will be fine.